f is for facebook

f is for facebook

it probably comes as no surprise (following b is for blogs and e is for emails) that i’m featuring facebook as one of my favorite wedding things.  facebook is a great wedding resource that you’re likely already using every day. it is a super wedding planning research tool, in addition to being the social network we all know and love. yes, i know you know how to STALK, i’m talking about actual research of options for venues, wedding rings, caterers, rehearsal dinner sites, etc.  i’ve found dozens of local wedding vendors on facebook who utilize the “fan” pages as an extension of their company web sites and portfolios.  facebook is also full of wedding-related applications you can add to your page, such as the knot’s weddingbook, my wedding and wedding countdown.  you might not, however, thought about the proper wedding etiquette of facebook. 

heidzillas’ top 10 rules for proper facebook wedding etiquette:

1. engagement: tell your close friends and family in person or on the phone before you change your relationship status to “engaged” and post engagement ring photos. think about your best friends: would you want to learn of their major life changes over facebook? and ask your bridesmaids and groomsmen in person if possible or over the phone to be in your bridal party. don’t ask them on facebook.

2. planning: we’ve all been guilty of this, but think about what and how much you’re posting to facebook. are all of your statuses wedding-related? is it getting old fast and your wedding is still over a year away? while your friends will know you’re excited, and you’ll often have things you want to share about your planning process… try to keep your wedding planning gushing – or whining – to a minimum. you may be thinking about your wedding 24/7, but your friends don’t want to hear about it on facebook 24/7.

3. t.m.i.: watch how many details you divulge on facebook. you won’t be inviting every single facebook friend to your wedding. and how many friends are on the maybe list but may assume their invited because you’ve been talking about your wedding details with them on facebook for months? worst of all, remember that posting public wedding information can be risky: uninvited guests can get enough information to show up on your special day. DO NOT link your wedding web site.

4. decisions & disputes: this goes with #3, and is general facebook etiquette, but keep major conversations about wedding decisions – hiring, budgeting, etc. – off of facebook. it’s not in good form if you’re fighting with your fiance or bridesmaids about details for everyone to see. if someone asks you a question about your wedding – say your friend sally wants to bring a date – try to handle it privately and not over facebook.  it’s easy to get caught up in conversation on the internet, but remember that facebook is PUBLIC and information can easily be spread, even if you have privacy settings.

5. registry:  facebook gets grouped with wedding invitations for inappropriate places to include registry information.  since not all of your facebook friends aren’t invited to your shower or wedding, it will definitely be seen as you greedily asking for wedding presents from everyone. if people ask you for the link via your facebook wall, send it to them privately.

6. invitations: while online save the dates and invitations are becoming more popular for their green aspects, keep them off of facebook’s events page. facebook is seen as impersonal and informal for every day LIFE let alone for your wedding. your friends and family are likely getting event invitations for concerts, mary kay/party lite/home interior parties, etc, does your wedding invitation belong there? utlizing the events function can be informative and even fun with photos and stories, but still put a real invitation in the mail.

7. thank yous: writing “thank you for the awesome towels!” on someone’s facebook wall does not qualify as a proper thank you for a wedding gift. yes, it’s a digital age but follow traditional wedding etiquette: handwrite a card, get it in the mail within two weeks of receiving the gift, or two months after your wedding day.

8. is married: try to wait to update your new relationship status at least until the ceremony is over.

9. non-pro photos: consider what photos you post and with whom you should share them. who was invited to your private wedding events, such as your bridal shower or bachelorette party? would feelings get hurt if you posted all the photos for people who weren’t invited to see? consider utilizing privacy settings to only share albums with only those who were invited.

10. professional photos: it’s totally acceptable to post your wedding day photos after your event. friends near and far want to stalk  view them. however, you MUST get your photographer’s permission before posting professional photos. if you get permission, be SURE to credit them for taking the photos. [example: (c) heidzillas photography] DO NOT copy the photos from their blog, crop out their logo frames and post them. they will find you and that is a big no-no in the wedding etiquette world. ask!

it’s perfect wedding etiquette to  become a fan of heidzillas on facebook.

previous posts:
a is for art museums
b is for blogs
c is for cleveland
d is for details
e is for emails